Oh hey. A second post in TWO DAYS?! Who am I?
I’ve had this on my mind lately though and I just wanted to write (er type) it cause I don’t wanna be one of those people who writes (or blogs) only when they’re feeling like ‘what the heck is going on with my life’ kinda thing. I want this as a reminder to myself so when I get to that point someday I’ll be reminded like oh hey remember that? Cause ya should.
Anyways.. I was on a walk with my mom the other night (we’ve been doing a lot of this — also, admiring numerous flowers/trees and sniffing the air of said trees.) (extreme sidenote- if anyone knows what a lovely perfumey small yellow flowered tree with rounded leaves with a pointed tip are — please let me know, cause I’m planting them everywhere around my dream home) ANYWAYs. I get so distracted. I had this weird revelation that one night when I realized that I hadn’t felt weirdly discontent or discombobulated in a long while. I don’t remember the last time I actually felt that way. And to finally recognize it in myself and say it out loud was extremely refreshing and felt like such a lovely thing to admit to myself, even when I never even realized it was the truth.
6 months ago, if you had told me I’d be back living at home — working from home and occasionally driving back to where I was for a few days every other week, well I probably wouldn’t have expected that. Nor would I have thought that I didn’t mind it. But you know what? I kinda don’t mind it. I still get to work and get some occasional money AND I get to be at home while enjoying my summer. Last summer wasn’t my best, and I had a hard time adjusting to everything and the changes that I was experiencing — far different than what I’d ever been used to for a good 21-ish years. So to be home, where I find most settling and to just live without feeling some sort of anxiety about where I’m living or where I’ll be in six months is awesome.
Technically, I don’t have a full-time job with actual benefits or anything. And oddly enough, I’m not bothered by it. I’m not even worried where I’ll be in six months. For the first time in awhile, I’m just going with it and doing whatever. I’m okay with just seeing where this current ‘job’ leads me and where I can go from there.
I know I’m probably completely rambling and who knows if anyone else feels this way or has felt this way, but sometimes it’s just darn good to get all this stuff out and recognize what’s sometimes swirling about in my head. (when it’s not focused on cookies or whatever book i’m currently engrossed in — let’s be honest )
I wish you all the best day. It’s a real rainy one here, but I don’t mind it — my garden is doubling in size each day it seems, so that’s quite fine by me.
now go eat a cookie! or tell me what this perfumey tree is, cause i gotta have it.
Its been a little while, hasn’t it?
Like a month or something, I think. But who knows, cause I’m too lazy to check. Ha
So what have I been up to?
(Not blogging), reading a TON of books (more on that in a moment), workin like a fiend (okay, not like a fiend but i’ve definitely been working despite this week being a slow week– new baby for my boss, yay!!), hm what else have i been doing? reading. oh yeah, said that.
I’ve read a crazy number of books lately and when I say read I should just say absorb cause I pretty much become an extremer sense of my introverted personality and just dive right into said book. I can’t help it. They’re just SO good and I NEED to know what happens. Ya know what I mean? I was fighting some inner turmoil just today — like I wanted so badly to keep reading but I wanted to slow it down since the next book in said series is not out for months — end result, i lost or did i win? anyways, i finished it. I have no self control. Not that that’s a shocking or new bit. I mean I was just nibbling on leftover cookie dough remnants in the bowl. No restraint whatsoever, obvs. Sidenote — I’m doing a whole lot of rambling and weird punctuation — didn’t ya miss that?
OKAY, on to the books.
I crazy totally for sure recommend all of them. Just a warning, they’re either dystopian, crazy, or totally thriller-ish so if you don’t like that — well i mean just give these a try. I promise you.
Gone Girl – I literally read this in 24 hours or less. Out of her three books, it is by far her best. You won’t know what hit you.
Dark Places – I definitely did not see that end coming. Gosh it was good.
Sharp Objects – My second favorite of hers. I definitely thought one thing and it was the complete opposite. I definitely recommend it.
Ashfall - A post-apocalyptic novel that is gripping and disturbing and wonderful all at the same time. I can’t believe I’ve waited this long to even order the second book. (It’s another trilogy I’m getting myself into when they’re not even finished yet — I gotta stop that.)
Divergent - I absolutely loved it. An amazing start to the series.
Insurgent - I just finished it today. An awesome, edge of your seat, you say just one more chapter but then five chapters later you’re still hooked kind of book.
I totally realize a lot of these are ‘young adult’ novels, judge that if you will but they’re way more intense than I really recall reading when I was a ‘young adult’ and I read some stuff pretty far beyond my maturity level. I mean I ventured into Anna Karenina and The Clockwork Orange when I was a teen — gosh I admire my young self. AND I am technically still a ‘young’ adult so pfft I’ll read whatever I want!
Next up? I’m considering heading into the classics a la Jane Austen and maybe this series as well since I’ve seen it around for awhile and haven’t taken the plunge to see if it’s any good. BUT first, I’m pre-ordering this baby and purchasing this.
Too much book nerdism? Nah, never!
By the way, those cookies are amazing. I’ve already had two and I’m considering a third. Send reinforcements. And by reinforcements I mean more milk. kthanksbye.
OH heellloooooooooooooooooo there.
It is I.
I’ve been REAL lax on this posting business, haven’t I?
Well, why’s that?
Um cause life is decided to be all random crazy busy bonkers and throw stuff at me. That’s what.
So I moved home last week. And I got a job (in my old city) the end of the week before. YEAH. that. So. It’s weird and confusing and it’s going to mean some random traveling back and forth which I am already sorta whooped from BUT such is life. Isn’t it?
But anyways, folks. I’m still here. I’m still kickin. I’m just trying to be okay with the fact that nothing is certain from here on out. Not that it was before, but you know, it feels even less right now. Way to keep me on my toes, life. Way to go.
I hope you’re enjoying your weekend wherever you are. I hope the weather is fantastic. I hope the food’s even better and I hope you are getting wherever you’re meant to go.
Peace, love, and pulled pork (cause that’s what’s for dinner — yum)
Until the next time, which I surely hope shall be sooner rather than later. I’ve missed this, more than I think I’ve really realized!
So I’ve been missing from here lately..
I’ll give you a list of what’s up. Cause I wanna procrastinate and avoid doing real life things, duh.
1. I’m home. And I’m in the process of organizing a semi-permanent move back home at the end of the month. I gave my 30 days notice almost two weeks ago but for some reason putting in dates for utilities and trying to find a moving truck makes it all much more real. I’ve had mixed feelings about all this. In some ways I feel I’ve failed, in other ways I’m accepting of it and see it as a chance to refocus and get.a.dang.job. Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll ramble more on this whole process in time. It’s bound to drive me a little bonkers soon enough.
2. My home internet hates this website. I have no idea why but it does. So the fact that I’m writing this is sort of miraculous. Yeah, totally.
3. I’ve been riding my bike a lot and trying to take as many walks as I can stand. I’ve seen so many deer, bunnies, Warblers, a freaking woodpecker?! (I always hear and never see them), and the lonely heron today! It’s the loveliest thing just being surrounded by so much green and hearing birds and the rustling of leaves all around. I missed it, a lot.
4. It’s May and it’s like FORTY DEGREES OUT. What up PA?! I had to wear gloves this morning and I turned my heat on. I don’t even want to talk about it.
5. I made this and this and this recently. All were delicious and completely recommended. The oatmeal bars were way more gooey than expected and er — not complaining. Nom. That cake? I toasted my coconut (and let it cool) prior to putting it in the Cool Whip, do it. It elevates the taste and gives even more texture to a lovely texturized cake! I think I just made up the word texturized. Go with it?
6. We had a sort of girls day yesterday. I made us all dinner and dessert. Spaghetti and meatballs with a lovely salad, garlic toast, and that cake for dessert! We played this game. My Grandma is so darn snarky still, I love it.
7. What else? Hm. We’ve been continuing our Classic Movie Nights.. Recent viewings included High Society and An Affair to Remember. I enjoyed both of them, but I have a weird love for Bing Crosby so I think High Society wins out. And Louis Armstrong, you can’t beat that!
8. Still job searching. It still sucks.
9. Oh, and that’s the thing I’ve been procrastinating doing. Best get back to that.
Ciao for now!
i am still at home. (since last thursday, and it’s been lovely.)
i accidentally took a nap today. (i don’t even know why but i feel so whooped today!)
i got a ‘no’ on a job app today, one that i was genuinely interested in. (ah well, c’est la vie.)
it’s been awfully rainy most of today — on the plus side, i did get a nice nature walk in despite the may flies! they are the worst around the creek this time of year. and to be honest i don’t remember them this bad in recent times.
i spent some of yesterday reading through my old journals. i listened to music a lot while ‘journaling’ back in the day. and i seemed to remember very well that i was even worse at journaling back then than i am now. thankfully this typing business encourages that a bit more often.
i’m feeling an itch to get started sewing something/do something with an old bulletin board but i’m not sure what to do for either!
i want to take another nap. or i’ll just have a cup of tea. that works.
and lastly, from lately:
a daisy bloom from the flowers next door (our home is attached to my home parish next door — and my mom regularly takes care of watering plants ,etc.) she was excited to announce to me that they’d decorated with my favorite flower this year. :)
on a nature walk, i took this of some forsythia lining some otherwise unadorned grass. i’ve quickly become infatuated with forsythia. it’s probably the yellow hue. but it’s lovely to see it everywhere.
I’ve been thinking.
Okay, I have a whole of time to think.
Which is the best and worst thing at times, right? Right.
But anyways, I’m stuck at this juncture in my life where I don’t know what’s next for me, as you obviously know at this point. Cause I tend to talk about it a lot. Yeah, sorry about that. But, it is my reality, and we write about what we know, well right now this is what I know.
I watched this video last night after my friend sent it my way. [which of course I cannot now find] We were just discussing how scary and daunting it is to be in this situation where we’re not sure of what’s next. She knows exactly how I feel and went through the same thing a good year or so ago, and now she’s back in school for nursing. Anywhoo– back to the video/topic I was on to. It basically suggested that we’re often asking the wrong questions of life, of God, the universe, whatever. And it made me think last night — and again while I was on my short run this morning. I keep wondering why I don’t have a job yet, why I cannot find the right one, why I’m not getting any responses, why is this process so mentally taxing, why can’t it be over with, etc, etc. And it made me realize, I need to stop asking so many gosh dang questions and just chill for a sec. And okay, I’ve been trying to chill for the last like 5 months and it’s been a challenge, let’s be real. But in this time that I’ve had to chill and just BE, I’ve managed to read a ton of books (okay, 8) but for wanting to do that for so long while in grad school and not feeling like I had the time to dedicate it– that’s sorta big. And I write so much more on this here blog. I never thought I’d be posting once or maybe twice a week, and maybe that’s not much to you but for me who has always been terrible at actually keeping a journal consistently, that’s pretty big. And it’s nice to be a part of a community where I get responses from others that know how I’m feeling, that like what I’m writing, and encourage me to keep on writing. Because honestly it’s nice to just get those feelings out there and know that others get it.
So I may have all these questions in my head on a daily basis but I just have to remember what this time has and is allowing for me. It’s a time in my life that I don’t know how long will last and even though at times it drives me crazy, I think I need to appreciate it and take it all in. Someday I won’t have this time to read and write or create whenever I want because I’ll have a new job with new responsibilities and new time constraints. And when that time comes, I will welcome the new opportunity ahead of me, the new routine, the new structure that will be my life. But right now, I have to create my own structure, my own routine, my own contentedness.
I won’t lie, I’ll probably ask these same questions of myself, of life, and of God a lot in the future. Probably tomorrow or maybe next week, but I can work to remind myself that questioning isn’t going to help me right now. It’s better to have hope and faith that things will come along. That my anxious need to control things isn’t going to do me any good, but just let it all be as it is, and take it as it comes.