:)

Yo!

So here goes my first post!

I’ve been thinking for awhile about starting up a blog again.  And so tonight I just decided today would be the day.  I don’t intend to write all the time or to always be thought provoking.  I’m just writing for me since I sort of hate the idea of writing in a journal.

I graduate from college in two days.  It still hasn’t sunk in.  When will it? I have no clue.  The fact that I’ll be a college grad just boggles my mind.  Granted I want to go to grad school, but that fact is still up in the air right now.  I don’t have a set plan at the moment.  My future is in limbo.   But, I’m not freaking out.  I feel as if I should be, the usual old me would be freaking out.  But I don’t know, I’m just not.  I’m in this sort of thought process now that I’m just taking things as they come.  If I’ve learned anything in the past six months, it’s that things are going to happen WAY out of your control and you’re going to have to deal with it.  It might suck incredibly and seem completely surreal, but it’s reality.  And I’m appreciative that I understand that sort of unknown and feeling of ‘where do I go from here?’  I don’t know if most people my age will have had that experience or if they ever will.  And because of that, I’m eternally grateful that I did go through it.

Six months ago, I was just going through the motions, not really taking the time to appreciate and enjoy life like I should.  Then in one day, my life went from humdrum routine to complete 360 and I was thrown for a loop.  I was still in that funk for a few months until one day it hit me that it didn’t have to be that way.  So I made a promise to myself and I’ve actually kept it.  And I’ve fulfilled that promise far more than I ever expected myself to.

I’ve discovered a strength in myself that I never knew existed and tonight I was reminded of that.  I’m  happy that I recognize the strength that lies within me.  I don’t need anyone telling me different nor do I need them questioning it.  I am a strong independent individual and will continue to be.

So how about that uncertainty?  I’m perfectly okay with it cause life has this way of reminding you that it’s always, always like that.  It’s just that every once and awhile you need some big moment of uncertainty (and change) to remind you that it’s always been that way, you just got a little too comfortable with the lack of it.  I hope that for most people it’s not a loss of a loved one, I would never wish that for anyone.  But a change, a moment that still provides a change of perspective.

So here I am at this moment, not sure where I’ll be six months from this exact moment.  Sure, I’m scared sh*tless.  There’s no doubt about it.  But at the same time, I’m not scared.  Does that make sense?  But then again, what’s the point? Whatever will be, will be. Right?